Insecurities
by Raine Ito
Summary: The President finally resigns himself to getting a new secretary, but Mrs. Landingham still lingers in both his and the candidate's mind. My first Melinda Woods (original character) story, one of what will be a series.


  
I have absolutely no idea how I got myself into this mess, thought Melinda Woods as she walked down the hall behind Josh Lyman. I am in the white house. I am going to be in the oval office, being interviewed by the man who runs our country. I am going to have lunch with the President of the United States. Any moment now, I will wake up in my own bed, screaming, and be relieved that it was all a dream. Hopefully, I will wake up before I do something horribly embarrassing.   
  
"Here we are," said Josh, gesturing at the doors to the oval office.   
  
"Josh?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Josh, I've known you for 5 years, right?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"As a long-time friend, please get me out of this before it's too late. Please. I'm begging you. This was a big mistake."  
  
Josh grinned. "Don't worry, it's okay, trust me. He won't bite. Um, well, at least, I think he won't. Never quite sure with the President. But I'm pretty sure he won't. Really. That wasn't helpful, was it?"  
  
No, she thought, her heart sinking, it wasn't. But it was too late for that, because at that moment, the doors opened, and Charlie Young, the president's personal aide, ushered them in. Oh gods, Melinda thought helplessly, waking up now would be good. Real good. They went in.  
  
The President of the United States of America, Josiah Bartlet, was waiting for them. He looked up at them, and he looked tired, worn, and slightly irritable. Her heart was in the soles of her feet, now. Trust her to pick the worst time.  
  
"Mr. President," Josh said, nodding his head.   
  
"Yeah, come in Josh, and, ah..." he floundered for Melinda's name.  
  
"Melinda Woods, sir," she said hesitantly. "You wanted to speak to me? About...the position of secretary?"   
  
"Yeah...close the door, would you Charlie?" He nodded at Josh, who smiled encouragingly at Melinda and left the room, and gestured for Melinda to take a seat. She saw how he looked at her, with his face closed off, as if he'd already decided. But how could he? She hadn't said more than two words yet...or was that it? Melinda remembered Mrs. Landingham. She'd never met her, but she'd heard her spoken about many times. She'd been a wonderful lady...Melinda would never be able to fill her shoes. She didn't want to usurp this woman's place...even if she was no longer on earth. It seemed wrong, horribly wrong to be in here, as if her spirit still lingered around. And Melinda knew that she'd never really be liked, if she got the job. Never really respected as much as Dolores Landingham. But what a wonderful place to work...  
  
"So, Ms. Woods..." said Josiah Bartlet, snapping Melinda's attention back to the interview. "Tell me a little about yourself...starting with how you know Josh, perhaps."   
  
"Well, sir," she said, smoothing her skirt down across her knees nervously. "Josh and I met 5 years ago, when we were both invited to a dinner hosted by a mutual friend, and we didn't really keep in touch for a while until I moved into DC, and then we became very well acquainted. He found out that I was unemployed...and offered to help me out when the option came along."   
  
"Mmm, I see."   
  
She took her eyes away from her skirt and watched him, realizing that he wasn't really listening to the conversation. His mind was elsewhere, and he was staring at an empty chair across the room, as if it held something extremely interesting. She coughed politely.  
  
"Ahh, sir? Mr. President?"  
  
"Mmm? Oh, sorry, Ms. Wood." He sighed. "A little pre-occupied...do you believe in god?"   
  
The question was so sudden that Melinda was taken aback. "I...well, I'm not sure sir."   
  
"You aren't sure?"  
  
"Well...actually sir, no, I don't believe in god. I believe in science...and I believe that proven facts are the only acceptable explanation for anything. The idea of a supreme being that created and controls the earth actually disturbs me...because it implies that I have little control over my own life." She was still staring at him. Why this question? "That's not to say I'm against religion, though, sir," she added hastily.  
  
He nodded. "Then...you don't believe that there's a heaven? Or a hell?"  
  
"...No sir."  
  
President Bartlet let out a deep sigh. "Well, Ms. Woods, I believe that I am going to go to hell when I die, whether you believe in that or not."  
  
"Sir!"   
  
"Yes, I know, it's a shocking thing to hear from the President, but I've done some horrible things. I've lied to the American people. I, no matter how inadvertently, caused the death of Dolores Landingham. And I'm a mean, often irritable old wheeze that gets on everyone's nerves. Now," he finished to her bewildered face, "Do you still want to work for me?"  
  
"Ah, yes sir."  
  
"Then you're the only one. You've got the job." He turned away, back towards the empty chair in the corner. Melinda sat, stunned for a few moments, then standing up slowly.  
  
"Sir," she began, speaking to the back of his head, "I...don't presume that I can really understand how you feel about...your former secretary." Former sounded wrong, very wrong. "But...I..." she fumbled for the words, "don't think I can ever take her place, and...I don't really want to. I'm not...too sure what I mean...but I think you understand?" She confused herself thoroughly, unsure of what to say, still watching the back of the president's head.  
  
"Yes, Melinda," he said quietly. "I understand. You can go...go tell Josh Lyman the good news." And she left him there, still watching the chair. As she walked out, she could have sworn she heard him speak to that chair:  
  
"I did it, Dolores."  
  
  
  



End file.
